what do i do now?
confused asked the question:
i’m 24, in vet school in another country & am in my 3rd year. i’ve been engaged for a lil over 2yrs & have known my FH, 23, since i was 16, so about 8-9yrs. thruout that time, we dated, took breaks, broke up, got back together, but school for me always came first. when we broke up/took breaks, it wasnt b/c we had a fight, it was b/c i had to focus on school & maybe b/c i was afraid of getting hurt. anyway, we did get together & got thru him going on tour with the army for 3yrs, and my parents finally accepting him (my FH & my mom really disliked each other for a while & that was a tough time,) but when my FH came home from iraq last summer, my mom offered that he stay at my parent’s house for a few months. He could stay until he started work & either found a place to live or until he fixed up this little farm house that my parents were willing to let us use when we got married (& him to use before we got married). Right before he left for iraq & i left for vet school, he proposed & now we are engaged & in 2 diff countries. He is still living in my parent’s house & its been almost a year since he came home from iraq. he is working & finally started working on the farm house, but for some reason its at a standstill - apparently my parents, FH &I need to talk when i get home. my FH had a rough childhood - parts of which i dont know b/c he cant talk about it, so he’s never really had a typical family life & i thought that him living at my parent’s house would give him that. He seems to treat my mom like he would want to treat his mom for all the bad things she’s done to him, but my mom has done nothing but try to help him. He just has a total “i don’t care” approach to what my family thinks of him & his actions. I’m in vet school & i talk to my parents 1-2x/week, but talk to my FH almost everyday. i tried to get it down to everyother day - not b/c i dont want to talk to him, but b/c i have a lot of studying to do. i just feel like he thinks of himself & not of me. he says he thinks of me & i believe that, but not the way i want him to. i want him to think of what’s best for me - like not upseting me when i have a test the next day, or realizing that i have a lot to do, so i cant talk to him everyday, or realizing that my family is important to me & they need to be important to him too. & i’ve told him this & he says he’ll change & that he loves me, but i’m just having 2nd thoughts. i can’t even think about marrying him now. i cant imagine my life w/o him, but i’m just not as excited as i was a few months ago about getting married to him. we havent set a date yet, but how could i even break up with him - he’s living in my parent’s house & after everything my parents have done for him & everythign i’ve put them thru trying to get them to accept him… i just dont know what to do. pls help!guess the other thing i didnt mention was that he never went to college & he doesnt think its important. he loves his job which i’m glad, but it seems like he has no intention of moving up in the company or anything (until i said something). he finally took one math class this term while he’s working, but i think education is important. what if i get a job somewhere not near his job & we discuss it & we move - he’d have to find another job - i dont know if he could do that w/o having a degree. & i dont want to limit myself in places to work just b/c of his job.
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Comments
2 Responses to “what do i do now?”
You sound like a smart girl. First dont get married because of your parents or anything else………..marriage is tough, very tough even when you go in confident, if your not completely certain dont get married until you are. Give it time and keep your head straight. Good luck
Sounds like to me that you have out grown him, and marrying him is not a good idea. He doesn’t seem to want to improve his life. His lack of respect for your Mom is a huge flag. I’m afraid that you’re Mom had him pegged from the get go.His lack of consideration for you and your time schedule is another flag. Please think long and hard before marrying this man. Being locked into a thankless relationship is just no way to live. You have dreams and visions of your future, he simply doesn’t care. Sounds like to me that he’s just looking for a woman to tend to his every little whim, cook ,clean, do laundry,.blah, blah,blah……Apparently, you should have a discussion with him and tell him that you are unsure of getting married and would appreciate it if he would move out of your parents home. I would just lay the cards on the table, just like that. Good Luck