Would you want to read this? ?
~.:*:.~(-Alexandra-)~.:*:.~ asked the question:
I’m in the process of writing a story, and I wanted to get some feedback on it! =) It wouldn’t be enough to just give you all the first page, so here’s a summary (even though it’s kinda long to call a summary, haha. Oh, and the events are much more spread out and detailed in the actual story) I know it looks long, but please read it all!
The story starts off with Anna Clark (full name Annalise; main character; story told from her point of view) on a bus back to her old town, a small community of farms, a farm supply shop, a grocery; the kind of place where everyone knows everybody. She’s staying with her grandparents, grumpy old Lydia and clueless but warmhearted Gramps. Previously living in the city a year ago, she is forced to move back after her parents were murdered by a man with a gun. (don’t back out yet, the story isn’t all depressing!) Upon arriving in the town, she takes a short tour to see if anything has changed. Amazingly, someone has built a large mansion in the tiny farm community, but Anna overlooks it, assuming that it’s just an old, rich man with nothing better to do. At the end of her “tour”, Anna drops by her dad’s friend’s farm supply shop (friend’s name = Tom Silverton). There she learns from Tom’s son Nick that the mansion is actually the home of the Othello family, and that there will be a party there the next day. (note: Nick was Anna’s boyfriend before she moved, and the two promised to get back together and attend the same college after completing high school. When Anna and Nick reunite, she tells Nick that such promises are “childish” and “unnecessary”. Their relationship problems will tie in later) Anyway, the next night Nick takes Anna to the mansion party and she slips away to explore the huge house. She finds herself in the mansion’s massive library where she discovers the Othello’s son and heir to the family business, Asher Rei Othello. As Anna befriends the reclusive Asher, she learns that his parents are actually divorced and he is living with his mother and step father. As they become even closer, Anna reveals to Asher that her parents were murdered and the name of the man who did it. The problem? The murder is Asher’s real father, Samuel Ridge (sentenced to death)(Asher’s mother and step dad changed his last name to Othello to avoid him having the last name of a murderer). Because of this, Asher keeps to himself and avoids opening up to anyone but Anna. But Houston, we have another problem… unbeknownst to anyone but himself, Ridge was framed. He’s the only person who knows the real killer, but no one is allowed to visit him in prison. Can Anna, Asher, and Nick figure out the identity of the real culprit, before Ridge’s time is up?
Anna (sixteen)convinces Asher(seventeen) and Nick(sixteen) to team up with her to look into the case, but with both boys after Anna, teamwork is the last thing they’re looking for.
So that’s the summary! I tried to make it clear and not too packed with unneeded details, but the plot is kind of complicated…
-What can I improve on?
-Is this something you would read?
-Please keep in mind that I’m typing this summary up at 2am, haha =)
-This is my first story that I’m really serious about writing, please try not to smash my hopes if it’s not the best thing you’ve ever heard of.
-If you have questions about the plot that would help you critique it better, please ask and I’ll update this question to answer it for you!
Thank you!
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Filed Under Books & Authors |
Tagged With Asher, Heir, Tiny Farm
Comments
5 Responses to “Would you want to read this? ?”
its very gooooooood!!
Sounds like a good read, just like everything else that is being put out into this world.
It sounds really good. The writting is very descriptive so i can’t even imagne what that actual content would be like. It’s pretty much the appitimie of what i would read. I think that it would be really good if the relationship between Asher and his parent were more defined but i do understand that this is just a summary. If you ever need anyone to read it you can email me at. I think that it has lots of promise and if your not to stuck on the names that changing anna or asher because they are really similar. I personaly like it but the name could get confusing.
It sounds very interesting, i would read it! are u planning to try and get it published? If so, make sure the cover is eye-catching (not like a blurred picture of a dusty farm).
The plot is good, I would focus on the writing a lot though, since you are writing it in first person, because sometimes you would forget about SHOWING the story and just telling it. I would also definitely read it if you also made the love triangle a big part of the story (but that’s just me, im a sucker for romances).
Good luck!
Whoa! Trust me it’s great :] I was so engrossed while reading it. Started picturing the scenes.
And if this book is out i will surely buy it and say that “Hey i answered this girl’s question at Y!A”
-What can I improve on?
Hey you don’t ask us what to improve on. Just have faith in your plot and characters. And i think you may give a brief history of how Anna’s parent’s meet each other and:] Like how hard they wish for child, and finally one day her mom knows that she’s pregnant. And you can give a brief a/c of their death and what change Anna had to experience while moving to her grandparents. And you may sentimentalize about how Anna misses her parents, reads the old letters her mom wrote when she was pregnant with her (the letters are an imaginary thing her mom wrote and they are the only remembrances).
-Is this something you would read?
It’s good, May be:]
-Please keep in mind that I’m typing this summary up at 2am, haha =)
lol okay :]
-This is my first story that I’m really serious about writing, please try not to smash my hopes if it’s not the best thing you’ve ever heard of.
Hey friend keep faith in Your Work =) Trust no one but Yourself =) Wish you very best=)
-If you have questions about the plot that would help you critique it better, please ask and I’ll update this question to answer it for you!
Hey may i know the story further. How convincingly you show another character guilty? And how the trio finds the culprit? What’s the title of the story? And approx how many words you wrote- imean is descriptive?
Wish You All The Very Best –